Of Terrorizing Budgie University...

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Okay, that's it - I'm not longer welcome at the pet store.

I had a nap tonight. Woke up groggy. Forgot to take out my contact lenses during the nap. Couldn't see shit. Decided to go shopping with Pat.

So after a few pit-stops, we end up at the frickin' pet store. I'm still half asleep from my nap, and whilst navigating a veritable obstacle course of animal habitats, I run head-on into a cage, atop which is perched a massive grey fucktard of a cockatoo or something... THUD! All hell ensues.

Needless to say, the bird took a shit-fit and went flying half-way across the store, and in doing so, scared the living bejeezus out of everyone in the vicinity. Even worse, however, was the panic and disorder that erupted at nearby Budgie University. There were pastel feathers everywhere, and franky, I don't think one of those budgies can be sold as a pet any more.

Wanna know the funny part? I was completely oblivious to all this as it was going on, and while terror reigned in Ugly Bird County, I was groggily checking out the poorly bred puppies.

As we left the store about 20 minutes later, staff members were still frantically trying to calm the Cockatoo, whose gaze was securely fixed on me, and who fought with handlers as they tried to return him to his perch.

You're welcome...