Of Mr. Pig and Snapping...

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Looks like you've gotten up to some naughty snapping, Mr. Pig. Oh dear... We all know what the black one means!

Of Mr. Pig and Sins of the Flesh

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It seems that Percival Pig is also somewhat given to the vice of lechery. Looks like another hearty round of penicillin for you, Mr. Pig.

Of Percival Pig on the Red Carpet...

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Oh Mr. Pig. Looks like you've gone and made a proper ninny of yourself again. Too much blow -- That's your problem!

Of Mr. Pig

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This is going to be a new feature of my blog. I call it Percival Pig Caught in Compromizing Situations. Oh, Mr. Pig. What shenanigans for a proper British bloke. Look what we've caught you buying! Back to the Haberdasher's shop with you!

Expect to catch Percival in all kinds of embarassing acts.

Of iSluts and other cool gadgets...

Quick question – Has the word “i” lost ALL meaning?

Okay – so it never was a word, but the latest tech trend has been to treat the letter “i” as a valid prefix. You know, like iPod, iRiver, iMac, or iChat. Obviously, Apple is a repeat offender here, but they can be forgiven on the grounds that they originated the idea, and their products are relevant enough to justify the odd grammatical faux pas.

Interesting trivia: The “i” in iMac, was originally intended to describe the intended purpose of the first iMac, which was that of being primarily an (i)nternet computer. Times have changed. Now the little “i” has become ubiquitous with anything even remotely technological in nature, and rarely, if ever, has to do with the internet any more. You can stick it anywhere – Go ahead – Be creative. iSlut*, iFork, iRifle… Anything goes!

Apparently, sticking the diminutive letter in front of your product’s name makes your wares look “hip” and well engineered– like an iPod. Or it could have the complete opposite effect, asshole.

I don’t know about you guys, but when I see a translucent blue cordless phone called the iTalk, I experience roughly the same emotions as those elicited by hearing my mother freestyle rap about saying “No” to “the drugs”.


*(You may be wondering what an iSlut is, so FYI, It’s kind of like a regular slut, only it has a bigger ass, and it carries a sweet cell phone. Plus it has a nifty “i” in its name.)

Of Terrorizing Budgie University...

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Okay, that's it - I'm not longer welcome at the pet store.

I had a nap tonight. Woke up groggy. Forgot to take out my contact lenses during the nap. Couldn't see shit. Decided to go shopping with Pat.

So after a few pit-stops, we end up at the frickin' pet store. I'm still half asleep from my nap, and whilst navigating a veritable obstacle course of animal habitats, I run head-on into a cage, atop which is perched a massive grey fucktard of a cockatoo or something... THUD! All hell ensues.

Needless to say, the bird took a shit-fit and went flying half-way across the store, and in doing so, scared the living bejeezus out of everyone in the vicinity. Even worse, however, was the panic and disorder that erupted at nearby Budgie University. There were pastel feathers everywhere, and franky, I don't think one of those budgies can be sold as a pet any more.

Wanna know the funny part? I was completely oblivious to all this as it was going on, and while terror reigned in Ugly Bird County, I was groggily checking out the poorly bred puppies.

As we left the store about 20 minutes later, staff members were still frantically trying to calm the Cockatoo, whose gaze was securely fixed on me, and who fought with handlers as they tried to return him to his perch.

You're welcome...