Of coming clean...

I was going to tell everyone back when it happened, but a lot of people made a huge deal out of it, so I clammed up.

And it’s not like much damage was done – nothing a couple days of cleaning couldn’t fix. I’ll admit, there was a lot of shit, and a lot of stuff got destroyed, but I was a stupid kid at the time, and I had no idea what I was doing.

So here it goes… after all these years, I’m finally ready to admit it… I let the dogs out.

I was walking by a local kennel, and couldn’t help but feel sorry for the furry little prisoners inside. I’m a pretty compassionate person, and I had consumed a relatively large amount of mushrooms 30 minutes prior, so everything seemed more urgent, unjust, and fluorescent. Plus, the head dog (A Chihuahua) promised to grant me 3 wishes if I let them go. Not something that happens every day, and not an offer I was willing to pass up.

So I did it. I pulled the latch and all hell broke loose. You saw the music video. The dogs caused widespread destruction and many small children were mauled. I know what you’re thinking, but please don’t blame me. I was as much a victim in all of this as those unfortunate children. I was never granted ONE single wish, and from what I understand, the magical Chihuahua was never seen again.

If you can read this, Mr. Chihuahua, I just want you to know how deeply it hurt when you lied, and used me as a pawn in your plan for wreaking mass hysteria. You are a liar, sir, and you took advantage of my innocence. I was even going to wish for world peace.

So now you know who it was. It was me, and I’m sorry. Jesus has forgiven me, and I hope you can too.